When I was pregnant with my daughter everyone thought a giant belly was in invitation to rub on me. Never mind that I have a thing about personal space but it seemed to be fair game and the bigger I got the more I got violated by strangers commenting on how big I was. Fast forward to now and 5 years have passed since i was big and pregnant however the flat tummy never returned and we have gotten the inquisitive question of when we were going to have another and I try and put it out of my head that they are ignortant and don’t know any better. But, as the months hit years and at this point I am pretty blunt with my answers now and am open in saying I don’t know if I can have more and that usually shuts people up quickly. I am not looking for the pity party for poor defective Steph, I just don’t want to repeat the conversation and infertility is usually a topic that produces some awkard silence that lets me escape the suffocating truth that I may never get pregnant again.
Which brings me to a few weeks ago and I feel like I have been replaying this nightmare in my head over and over. I got dressed and thought I looked ok. I did my hair and my make up and for me to have both done is pretty much a bonus. So, I go to church and an aquaintence approaches me and gushes how wonderful I look. Hard not to blush at a compliment like that. I wish she would have shut up then because it was followed up by how much I am glowing and how pregnancy is aggreeing with me, complete with the unwanted belly rub. I wanted to vomit. I looked at her sternly and said “I am not pregnant, I am fat. Thanks for reminding me and apparently pregnancy doesn’t agree with me or I wouldn’t have had the pain of miscarriage and infertility.” She then said, “Oh, I was just kidding, that is something my daddy used to say to all women, are you sure you are not pregnant?” Um, yes you must be correct in fact this period I am on and the cramps that had me doubled over last night must signify that I am with child. Nice save lady, not.
oh2btigger said,
May 30, 2008 at 3:18 pm
That’s happened to the best of us. Don’t feel bad. Yes, a 4 Star General’s wife came up to me at a party one day several years ago and she very gingerly and lightly puts her hand on my shoulder and says, “So, dear, when are YOU do?” I looked at her, laughed and said, “Oh, I’m not pregnant, just fat!” She was shocked and I’m sure she’ll never do it again–you make assumptions when you’ve been married to the army as long as she has! She started to get that uncomfortable laugh, points to her tummy and says, “Yeah, me too!”
Now, to avoid uncomfortable conversations with people I just tell them I don’t want children and that while I like kids, I don’t think that I would like my own.
Andie said,
June 3, 2008 at 1:14 am
Ugh – what a nasty experience. Nothing like that to take the wind out of your “I’m looking fine” sails. I, too, no longer have the flat belly that I used to. I am trying to get a bit closer with Pilates, but I can see it will never be the same!
I am wishing you the best on your IF journey. I don’t know how I’d have made it through mine without the support of virtual friends. (have you made it to the Stirrup Queens blog yet? There is a great place to find support).
Hugs to you –
Andie
Tanya said,
June 5, 2008 at 5:31 am
I had the opposite happen. Waiting for the bus, 8 1/2 months pregnant and talking to one of the women who takes it also. I commented that I was looking forward to being off work… she says “Oh, you’re taking vacation?”…. Umm Yeah and maternity leave.
Seriously? I know I’m huge but you couldn’t tell I was 8 1/2 months along?
I hope that #2 joins you soon.
seriously? said,
June 5, 2008 at 7:29 pm
Here’s to number 2! I have to say that when people ask questions about kids, I go from one extreme to the other. I say nothing or make a joke or if I happen to be having a bad day with IF and stuff I say something like “no, I’m barren” to make them feel uncomfortable and then I feel bad about saying it but the look on their face is usually priceless.